Stop Calling It Love

I once read that as people mature, they turn either into vinegar or into wine. I decided to become wine.

What we really look for

It is often said that people are looking for love. I believe, however, that more often we are looking for what we are used to.

There is a strange kind of loyalty in it - not to what is good for us, but to what is familiar. And so the heart can grow used to restlessness, to waiting, to unavailability, and call it love, simply because it does not know what else to call it

The Journey with Elements

Last week, I set out on a week-long pilgrimage along the Portuguese Fisherman’s Trail, which follows the coastline. At every step, it offered a new view, and each one was so beautiful that I could hardly take it in.

I climbed hills, walked down to cliffs, and rested on beaches. All the elements were there: the sun as fire, the wind bringing change, the sea crashing against the rocks, and the earth my feet touched all day - sometimes in sturdy shoes on the cliffs, sometimes barefoot in the sand.

Everything I needed, I carried on my back. And that alone gave me a deep sense of freedom, fullness, and quiet satisfaction that is hard to describe. With it came time to think, but in a different way than usual. Not about tasks or responsibilities, but about myself. About what I expect from the next days of my life. And where I want to go next, when I allow myself more freedom.

A Different Kind of Exhaustion

I used to think that tiredness comes from work. But it seems that a much greater part of exhaustion comes from things that lead nowhere - from waiting, overthinking, and quiet hopes that receive no answer.

Perhaps it would take only a small shift: not treating unavailability as something valuable.

The Value of Calm

It seems to me that calm is an underrated quality. It is not as loud as passion, not as noticeable as desire, but it has one essential advantage: you do not lose yourself in it. And maybe that is exactly why it is often seen as something dull.

It is strange that we sometimes need to remind ourselves that we have the right not to be hurt. That we do not have to earn someone’s affection or wait to be seen as worthy of love.

Love that has to be earned is often just another name for lack.

Choosing Differently

I realized that I want to set out on a journey again. To open myself again to relationships, to love, but without squeezing myself into something that does not fit.

It is not so much about finding the right person, but about stopping the search for the wrong reasons. And when that happens, something quiet but essential appears: I will stop abandoning myself.

And that, I believe, is not a small thing.