Happy to Be

A morning on Květnice and the art of releasing unnecessary.

Yesterday I unexpectedly had a free morning. What to do with it? I was choosing between a hike and a sauna. In the end I thought: why not both? Květnice Hill, “the blooming hill,” had been drawing me for a long time. It is only a short distance from where I was staying. It is prominent and steep, but not vast, so the climb up and back would not take much time. The sauna could come afterward.

Find the right place

I climbed through a peculiar forest. Early spring without snow. Trees bare of leaves, the crowns of the evergreens dissolving into mist. The ground was light brown, covered with fallen leaves and the remains of frost-burned plants. Fallen trunks were brightened by green moss, and between them lay boulders, as if someone had scattered them from the top of the hill. It was damp and cold. And yet I felt I was walking in the right direction.

At the summit it was clear the place was visited. A circle of logs for sitting. A small stone pyramid. A statue of the Virgin Mary attached to a tree. A place of gathering, ritual, presence.

Still, I felt it was not quite the right spot. The pines blocked the view into the valley. I walked a little farther. And there it was. A small clearing with a few oaks with male energy: direct, strong, uncompromising. Like thunder tearing the sky open to cleanse the air. An energy unafraid of change.

The most beautiful part was the view. A steep slope fell into a valley with a town, a river, and wooded hills. Above it all, the winter sun, only a pale outline behind the mist. I sat down. The ground was cold, so I sat on my gloves. I wanted to be as close to the earth as possible.

Burried Under Worries

I closed my eyes and asked: If there is something I should know here, let it come to me. For a moment nothing happened. And then, in my mind, I saw boulders.

“What is this?”

The answer came clearly: “Something unnecessary that you carry with you. Boulders in your soul.”

“Really? What boulders?”

“Try to name them.”

What appeared in my mind surprised me. They bore the names of my loved ones. That cannot be true.

“What if you let them roll down into the valley?”

“I can’t do that.”

“And what do you think would happen?”

I imagined the boulders rolling down the slope. Some farther, some nearer. They would stop by the train station, by the river, on the square. They would not break. They are solid. They would remain whole. And I would still see them.

“Then try.”

One by one, in my imagination, I picked up each boulder, said goodbye to it, and let it roll down. Each moved differently. But nothing happened. No catastrophe. No destruction.

“How do you feel now?”

“Light. Free.” I was smiling. Yes, I felt that way. But how could that be, when I had just sent most of my loved ones away and felt content?

“They are not the boulders. Your excessive worries about them are. Your fears that you did something wrong, that you hurt them, what they are going through, what they are dealing with. They do not even know. And it benefits no one.”

Suddenly it made sense. Without those unnecessary worries there was more space within me. For joy. For peace.

“Remember this feeling. And whenever you need to, come and cast your boulders off my back.”

“So that is why there are so many stones here? So many people have laid down their unnecessary worries?”

Happy to Be

I gave thanks.

And then, as I passed the little statue of the Virgin Mary on the tree, one more request came: offer a piece of the bread you baked and carry with you. And when you eat it next time, remember this moment.

I was glad to do it.

I do not know how long this lightness will last. But now I know where to go when stones begin to weigh on my soul again.

In the end, there was no sauna. Květnice kept me for the entire morning.